Towards the end of 2019, I had no idea how drastically my life would change. When 2020 began, I thought I would enjoy my life and fulfill my bucket list. Little did I know, I was going to walk on the path of self-sabotage. Till June 2020, my life was comparatively better. I was happy, healthy, and in a good mental state. The other half of the year was ready with the heavy baggage of depression, insecurities, grieves, and hopelessness. The series of incidents affected me to such a great extent that I started self-sabotaging myself.
Trust me, self-sabotaging is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Before you scratch your head and think about what self-sabotaging is, read on to know about it.
What Is Self-Sabotaging
Self-sabotaging is about stopping and holding yourself from doing what you intend or want to do. It is about eliminating positive and good things from your life, as you think you do not deserve them. For example, I self-sabotaged myself from taking care of my emotional health, because I felt I am not worth it. Instead of focusing on my social growth, I worried about why things were going wrong. There was a time when I considered myself accountable for every mishappening. Whenever things went wrong, I became bitter, resentful, and complained.
The thing is you may not realize if you are self-sabotaging yourself. Often people are in denial. They think it is good to criticize the behavior causing the problems. It is when they walk on the path of self-destruction. They realize when it is too late and find no way to trace back their steps. However, a few signs can help you understand the same.
1. You Doubt Your Skills And Capabilities
Do you say ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I don’t deserve this’, ‘I can’t control/execute this’? If yes, my dear friend, stop self-sabotaging. How can you be sure of being unable to perform when you did not even try? Having a negative mindset can impact your life adversely. Maybe you do not taste success in the first few attempts, but giving up is never advisable. Assuming the worst beforehand and withdrawing your efforts is never a wise thing to do.
2. You Surround Yourself With Toxic People
Do you hang out with people who never let you be who are? Do you feel trapped and suffocated with your friends? This means you are with toxic people. People who self-sabotage themselves, are often surrounded by toxic people. This is because they are clueless about what they deserve. They stay with people who gossip, complain, and mock people and their dreams. When you keep such people in your life, you will often find your energy draining. The moment you speak with them, you will either feel anxious, worried, annoyed, or hopeless due to their negative vibes. You should not feel guilty about removing these people from your life.
3. You Procrastinate
Self-sabotaging is also about procrastinating things till the problem worsens. People often put their energy into things that are not rewarding and ignore important things till the deadline scares them. They later regret being a procrastinator. Something which seemed harmless earlier may give you a hard blow in the future. When you procrastinate something, you are ignoring and turning a blind eye to it.
4. You Seek Validation From Others
Seeking validations from others is another tell-tale sign of self-sabotaging. It is about desiring someone to agree with or approve of what you think or believe in. The more you seek validations from others, the more you will compromise. You begin to find your place among people you are seeking validation from. Even if you don’t belong to them, you try your level best to gain their approval.
5. You Try To Please Others
One of the self-sabotaging behavior that I indulged in was pleasing others. I focused on pleasing my parents, relatives, neighbors, and everybody who had unsolicited opinions about me. For me, making others happy was way more important than taking care of my happiness. I began dressing as per their likes and dislikes and often bent my principles for them. Soon, I realized no matter what I do, people will always have complaints. My happiness was more important to me than theirs. Letting others put you in a position where you have to go against everything you believe in is wrong. It is harsh and you must not do so.
6. You Lack Commitment Towards Your Goals
How many times did you start something only to quit it because the results were not up to the mark? For example, I started doing mandala painting and quit it as my paintings were not good. Since my mental health was on the edge, I couldn’t stay focused on a particular thing for a longer time. Ask yourself, are you doing the same? We often begin things with full motivation and enthusiasm but leave it halfway after losing interest or hope. When I realized that hard work never goes in vain and results take time, I re-started. You need to believe in what you are doing and stay committed to your goals.
7. You Look For Motivation
One of the other signs of self-sabotaging behavior is looking for motivation and answers in different places. You seek help from others to do something better in your life. Many times you feel you can’t do anything in your life if certain people are not around you. Instead of considering them as support, you begin to rely on them for every little thing. However, as an individual, you need to think unless you are not self-driven, no other person can motivate you.
8. You Blame Yourself
The moment something goes wrong, you start blaming yourself. Instead of identifying and analyzing what went wrong, you blame yourself. Instead of saying, ‘I failed because I didn’t work well’, you say, ‘I failed because I am a loser’. Re-read the two sentences and you will find the difference between them. Believe it or not, blaming yourself repeatedly will affect your subconscious mind to a great extent. You will eventually start to believe that you are worthless and good for nothing.
Apart from this, questioning your worth, purpose and existence is also a sign of self-sabotaging behavior. People compare themselves to others and criticize their every action and word. They lose focus and waste time. We need to understand that life is precious and never comes with a spare chance. It is easy to self-sabotage yourself but it is harder to gather yourself after being shattered. Instead of stopping yourself, enjoy, explore, love, and live.
Prerna loves to write and shower love on animals. She enjoys reading and exploring places. Though sweet in her pictures, at times, she is difficult to understand. Being a strong believer in hard work and karma, she loves solitude and peace. Apart from this, she loves petrichor and harmony and wishes to achieve her one and only ataraxia for a lifetime.