Experiences Life

The Separation I Couldn’t Accept

How does it feel to miss someone you love with all your heart? Does it cause pain or make you restless? Perhaps it’s more than this. The reason why I am talking about this is that I am missing someone really close to me. I remember I was lively and cheerful when we were together. We ate, sang, and walked gleefully. But when I recall the moment spent together, I don’t find myself smiling and happy. Why is it that I am unable to accept the separation?

We had planned on spending a few moments happily, living our lives to the fullest, and celebrating our bond. We did enjoy ourselves and talked our hearts out. We often told each other, “We will cherish these days, especially when we won’t be together.” But instead of cherishing the moments, I find myself gloomy.

My kin asks me about what’s bothering me as they can sense a longingness and pain on my face. It’s not that I am as sad as I used to be before. The companionship helped me leave behind my sadness and dumps. During those days, I saw myself as a cheerful and playful person. People around me were surprised to see my carefree and jovial side. They did ask me what brought such a change in me and I could say nothing but smile. 

Whenever we were together, I thought, I will be staying happy like this forever. Why would I slip back into gloominess, after I have found how beautiful it is to be lively? 

I would sing along and wear my favorite clothes just to celebrate my happiness. Every day, I would thank my life for beginning this new chapter of my life. And yes, I used to write my diary to express how good I felt during those days. In order to revive that delightful state, I often read my diary. But nothing revives the happiness. After reading a few pages, I ask myself, was it really me or my split personality living in those moments?

Further, I ask myself, “Did we mutually discuss parting our ways?” In order to confirm this, I often go through our old conversation. Yes, I found the texts where we discussed we would be separating our paths to focus on our careers. But had we discussed the ways in which we would be bearing the pain? I guess we were too confident on this part. Perhaps, therefore, I am unable to control my emotions and thoughts. 

But is it only me, who is going through the pain of separation or that person is also into it? Maybe, I need to talk about this to that person. Or maybe I shouldn’t talk about it. After all, we are no longer going back to the time we had. I may get used to this separation and the fact that we won’t be texting or calling each other. Eventually, my mind will accept the fact that I have to walk alone and we won’t be together. 

Soon, I will learn to find happiness on my own in different things. Perhaps, then I’ll be able to smile and cherish the moments. 

Also Read: The Widow That Didn’t Cry

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